He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
