It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize