lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
