My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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