So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize