I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
