ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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