dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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