she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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