he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Randomize
