Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
