I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
my being single is dangerous.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
