ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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