so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
