The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
