just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
