My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
