I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
zippers are such a cool invention
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
