my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
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