Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
