Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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