We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
