WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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