Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We are two peas in an std pod
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
