Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
