so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
