This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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