Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
