The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
