what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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