she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
