for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize