Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
