Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Fuck appropriateness.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
