3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Do vagina's smell?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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