You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
i need to put some appletini on your dick
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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