I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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