using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
