Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
