Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
