i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
tell your sister to shave her snatch
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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