Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
