i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
