Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Your topless pictures make me question reality
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
