I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
