Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
