areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i came on her dog
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
