My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
