It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
