I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
