then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
