y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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