you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize