dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
