I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize