even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
