I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
