wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
