Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
