OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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