Have you finally orgasmed yet?
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
