return my video game
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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