6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
