pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
