I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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