To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
