she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
