Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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