I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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