nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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