Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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