we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
