He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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