no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
