She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
