I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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