I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
