big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
