I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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