She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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