i need an iv and a liver transplant
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
