He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
