he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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