This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Did you pee in the oven last night??
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
