Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I believe in your delicious
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
