he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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