She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
