I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
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