Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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