Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
