All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
