apparently the secret to your success is patron
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
